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Venerable
Ajahn
Karuniko
-
Living in
Harmony
From a
talk given by Ajahn Karuniko; March 2000
There are six things that the Buddha recommended for living in harmony;
kindness in bodily action, kindness in verbal action and kindness in
mental action towards each other in public and in private, sharing,
keeping the same virtuous conduct, and harmony of view in what we're
trying to do with our lives. When these six things are manifest in a
group of people then there's a good possibility of them living in
harmony. So three of these are concerned with the practice of Metta, the
practice of loving-kindness. There are a lot of teachings that the
Buddha gave on the practice of loving-kindness because he saw the
necessity of this attitude when we interact with people. If you find it
challenging relating to other people then the practice of Metta is seen
as something that can very much help with that.
Metta is also referred to as a protection for the mind. When it's well
developed it protects the mind from being overwhelmed by greed, hatred
and delusion. Just like in a forest, if the forest is wet, then when a
fire comes near it the fire won't consume it. So if there's a basis of
Metta in the mind then there's less chance of the fires of greed, hatred
and delusion overtaking the mind. Even though these sorts of things come
into contact with it they don't overtake or consume it.
When we practise Metta we start with ourself, having a sense of Metta
for this being here. I'm always reminded of this when I go flying. When
you get on an aeroplane they give you many instructions. At one point
they say, 'If there's a drop in oxygen, then an oxygen mask will drop
from above.' But they then say, 'Put your own oxygen mask on before you
put your children's on.' When we first hear that it can grate - 'put
your own on before your children's.' But when we consider it, it's very
sensible, isn't it? Because if getting the mask on your child becomes a
struggle then you both might suffocate before it happens. This can be
the same with relationships too. If we haven't developed this sense of
Metta in ourself then relationships can be a struggle, and sometimes the
relationships can perish.
What do you think about that bloke or that lady, that you see when you
look in the mirror in the morning when you clean your teeth or wash your
face? How do you respond to that image in the mirror, this thing called
'Me'? And as you look at your image, what sorts of perceptions come up?
Does the self-critical mind come up or do you like that person in the
mirror? To me it's a sign of a healthy relationship with this mind and
body to like the person you see in the mirror. We can dwell on our
faults, which just tends to drag us down, but it's more skilful to
remember some of the good things about the person you see in the mirror,
the good things that person has done. You might not be the bees' knees
of Buddhism but everybody has their good points and we can bring them to
mind. Now we might think to ourselves, 'Well really I haven't done many
good things.' We could look at our past and think of all the unskilful
things we've done but it's more skilful to come to the present moment,
to what we are doing now. If we can bring to mind the importance of
trying to cultivate skilful things in the present, then this can very
much help us find a sense of Metta for ourself.
I find that if I bring to mind the good things that I've done and dwell
on those it does have a different effect on the mind than just dwelling
on the not-so-good things I've done and dwelling on my faults. I find
when I consider like this I don't get to thinking, 'How wonderful I am.'
It just brings a sense of well-being into my mind. And that to me is the
basis of skilful action; it's the basis of meditation.
We have an interesting little situation in our bathroom. We have two
sinks side by side and one big mirror, so when we stand at the sink and
another person comes up, you see yourself and the person next to you. I
find it an interesting exercise to look at myself and look at the other
person and see my responses to that. And I contemplate that a perfection
of Metta would be, that I could sit in front of that mirror all day and
people could come and go and it would all be the same. My mind would
respond the same to myself as to others, to others as to myself.
This is illustrated in a story about a group of monks that were
practising together and then were captured by a group of robbers. The
robbers said, 'we're sorry about this, Bhikkhus, but we're afraid we're
going to have to bump one of you off to tell people we mean business.'
They went to the leader of the monks and asked him to select one. He
looked at the small group of monks: there was one very old monk pretty
much on his last legs, there was one monk who was quite sick, there was
one monk who was very devoted to him, and there was one monk who he
didn't get on with. And they'd asked him to choose one. Who do you think
he chose? You might think he'd choose himself, but actually he told the
robbers 'I can't choose'. Because he had Metta for the four and for
himself, he couldn't choose. That is seen as the perfection of
loving-kindness.
In the practice of meditation what I do find very useful as I'm sitting
breathing is just bringing up the thought, 'May I abide in well-being,
may I be happy'. So as I breathe the breath into this inner world of
body and mind, just bringing this thought to mind. And doing this,
especially when there are states of greed, ill-will, delusion, anxiety,
worry or fear, I do find a helpful practice. It brings a softening
around these experiences so I'm not getting caught into the fight. It's
like giving something the space to follow its nature - which is to
cease. Because sometimes in meditation we can get into being very much
in control and that then makes meditation a struggle. Somehow we're
somebody who's controlling this thing called mind and going to get rid
of all the unwanted bits of it. But this can be like being in this room,
and when something unpleasant comes in you jump on it, you seize it by
the throat and say, 'Get out'. You keep it by the neck on the floor and
keep on telling it to 'get out, get out'. That doesn't work, does it? So
to me the practice of Metta can be likened to opening all the doors,
creating some nice big spaces and eventually the thing finds its own way
out.
Then also in meditation we can cultivate it towards other people - as to
oneself, so to others. One way of doing this is to bring people to mind
and wish them well. It's recommended we start with people that tend to
evoke a sense of kindness and develop it first with them, and as we get
more skilled at it, then we can start bringing to mind those people that
we find more difficult. This practice doesn't mean that we just sit down
and start thinking these thoughts and all of a sudden our heart starts
oozing with Metta - we might feel very tight or miserable on a level of
the heart. Again it's something we have to develop, we have to start
somewhere, and we can always start on the level of intention. The
experience of this is that we start with intention and as we sincerely
keep those intentions going then, over time and with practice, things
start getting down to the level of the heart. At first it might seem
like there's an incompatibility there, trying to think one thing but
feeling another, but we have to start somewhere.
I like an analogy; it's like if our hand's cold and we hold something
that's warm, our hand doesn't get warm as soon as we touch it. But the
more we hold on to it then the heat from that object will permeate the
hand. Now at first our hand's cold so we can't really grip the object
very well, we lose it. Similarly the more we practise at it, the more we
can hold these sort of thoughts in mind, then the greater the
possibility of that intention working its way down to the level of the
heart.
I used to find mornings were a time when either I felt dull and sleepy
or niggly. I've found it's a very good time to bring up some thoughts of
Metta as a way of energising the mind that's just going to fall asleep
if I don't do anything. If I try to watch my breath and I'm tired then
it's.... I'm hearing it not watching it! But if I try to bring up some
skilful thoughts then I find that can energise the mind in a good way.
And it can help dispel that morning niggliness, that critical morning
mind that, if we get caught in it, can ruin our whole day. So bringing
to mind the people we have to interact with that day and wishing them
well. And, of course, as we bring people to mind there are different
responses depending on our relationship to them, but if we can we
maintain that intention, 'May they be well', because we have to start
somewhere. This is a practice I've found has helped me very much with
relating to people in a community situation.
One of the benefits of this is a mind that is more easily concentrated.
An experience I've had on occasions is sitting down in meditation
thinking, 'Right I'm going to concentrate the mind' but it's going here,
going there and there's a sense of agitation. But rather than just
struggling like that, to bring up a few thoughts of kindness towards
people or remembering good things people have done, then sometimes what
can occur is a mind shift. All of a sudden you find the mind stops
struggling, the mind starts to stay with the breath. A subtle change of
mind state can make such a difference.
It's also helpful to consider that life is a mixed bag. There are some
things that are great about it and some things that aren't so great
about it. There's always going to be times when there'll be
misunderstandings and people won't be getting on, and this and that -
that's the way life is. So at times when we do get agitated and the
mind's getting too caught up into the complexities of life, just to
bring a simple, skilful thought to mind and hold it there can have a
very good effect. It can bring us back to something a bit more calm and
skilful, and then it's amazing how different things look. We see the way
things look from the anxiety mind, and then how they look when the
anxiety mind's not there - it could be better, it could be improved, but
it's not a problem. And if there's anything I can do to help with
things, then such action will come from a mind that is more calm, which
has more of a sense of kindness there, rather than a worried, anxious,
fearful mind.
The benefits of the cultivation of Metta are quite wonderful according
to the teachings of the Buddha. When we develop it we can live more in
harmony with people and, the Buddha says, we become dear to human beings
and dear to non-human beings, animals, devas and deities. On the human
level one can see how, at times when we're friendly towards people it
does bring a more favourable response than at times when we act or speak
on ill-will. If people come at you in an attacking way, then of course,
the tendency is to get defensive or attack back. But we can acknowledge
that initial response and then think in terms of kindness, 'Well what
can I do to help to pacify the situation.' I've always found on the
occasions when I've managed to respond in a friendly way, how nice
things have come out of it.
One of the occasions I remember was when I was going to visit my parents
at Christmas. I was going up on a train which got delayed and as I then
missed my connection I ended up on Piccadilly Station at 8 o'clock in
the evening, a couple of days before Christmas. Now it's not where I'd
like to have been, seeing that I had to go to a remote platform to catch
the train. As it was quite cold out and I wasn't very warmly dressed I
huddled into the waiting room. I was just sitting there all by myself
and then lo' and behold a group of teenage girls came in, all full of
Christmas spirit in possibly more ways than one. They came in and went
behind me and I could hear them whispering. 'Whoops! I've been spotted'.
Then they started singing raunchy songs - I don't know if this was for
my benefit or just what they usually sing when they go on to the
platform of Piccadilly Station. And then there was a silence and again a
whispering and they all came round to introduce themselves. Now actually
I'm a sort of working class lad myself, and I used to sing such songs
once, so I found I could respond to them quite well. I felt quite
friendly towards them. They asked me a few questions and after a while
they went back to their songs. When the train came in they seemed
preoccupied with their songs so I went to the door, opened it and said,
'Hey! The train's come.' As I held the door they all charged out. Then I
went and stood on the platform as the train came in. It stopped with the
two sliding doors right in front of me. When the doors opened I stood
back ready for the girls to charge; they did come running up, but all of
a sudden they all stopped, composed themselves and invited me to get on
to the train. And I thought that was really nice; that for a moment
there was that stopping, composing and a gesture of kindness as though
they reciprocated the friendliness I'd shown to them in the waiting
room.
With our relationship to animals, we can see how when we have a sense of
friendliness towards animals, that does bring out a better response from
them. If you can actually manifest it when a dog comes up barking at
you, it often stops barking. In Thailand, animals can prove very afraid
of the village people, but a deer came into Ajahn Chah's monastery and
would eat out of Ajahn Chah's hand. Maybe some of you have seen the
photograph of Ajahn Chah feeding the deer. So this sense of being dear
to animals and deities, you don't know how they help us in ways we can't
see. In Buddhist stories it's those people who developed skilful things
who the deities protect. You might be quite sceptical about this; which
is understandable because what we can't see or we have no experience
with we doubt.
But coming back to more tangible things, if we develop Metta then we
tend to sleep better, wake up better, have less unpleasant dreams. And
we are peaceful when it comes to our death. We have peace and confidence
about what will happen to us. These are some of the benefits that the
Buddha listed.
The Buddha recommended for us to develop it in all postures, walking,
sitting, standing and lying down. In our life we queue up at
supermarkets, we sit in traffic jams, we lie down before we go to sleep;
here are opportunities to cultivate this. Rather than grumbling, 'Why
isn't the traffic going,' we could use that situation differently. Here
in the monastery often we have to wait for the meal, and we can sit and
think, 'how inconsiderate,' but instead we could look at the people who
are here, who cooked and brought the food, and send a few nice thoughts
in their direction. If we have this inclination we can use many
situations in our lives. Times when we're waiting and we're not doing
anything in particular we can cultivate such attitudes. Life seems to be
getting very full these days and maybe there doesn't seem much time for
this but consider for yourself what's important. What is important at
the end of the day?
The cultivation of Metta is something important that if we do now will
be a great help to us. But if we put it off, and get preoccupied with
little niggly things, then it's going to be difficult to remember later.
So, we need to consider how we use our time, the things we can do to
help us live in harmony with people. If we can live in harmony with
others as well as be on our own, if we can go between the two and keep a
feeling of harmony, that's a good balance. If we cannot live with other
people and find some sense of ease with that, I wonder how far we can go
with our meditation. If we can learn how to live with other people and
feel a sense of ease, then that shows that we have a good foundation for
our meditation. Practice is not just being on our own and meditating,
practice is also learning from our interactions with people; hopefully
the two can complement and support each other. When things happen, when
we interact, we can willingly learn from those situations to deepen our
commitment towards skilful things and strengthen them.
When I think about the magic of life, of tuning in with the wonderful
things in life, for me the access to that is through things like Metta
practice. It does, for many people, give a sense of the wonder, the
mystery, the benevolence of the universe.
Forest Sangha Newsletter: January 2002, Number 59
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